Mother of Suns

Have you heard that when a woman is dilated enough to birth, 
her crown brightens like the sun?

What if a Woman birthed the Sun 

Like she birthed the Son 

And the Messenger too?

Conquer Igali. 30/10/2016

Pebbles

                   Like things brought ashore by indecisive waves,
                we trudge our affections to the welcome mats of each other's hearts

           But no further.

       Leaving clear pebbles of a sailor's journey in our wake
    But never a stay 
of ornamented pebbles on bedside jars

                                                                                                                                Conquer Igali. 30/1/17

Notes For A Shedding On A 30th

It is two (2) days to my birthday and I do not know what I feel right now. I feel something alright. It is just really difficult to put it into words.

I do not know how I will spend my birthday. Not yet. I have no plans even now. 30 is an important number for me. I do not even know why it is so, but I feel like it is going to be an important number in my years. I should do something, anything, to make it count.

Earlier this year, I had drawn up a plan. I would make my entry into my 30th several life-pounds lighter than I have been the last 30 years. I would shed most of my life-weight. And I would go on an adventure all through the months preceding my birthday. I would pack up a bag every weekend and go somewhere, anywhere, until my diary entries are filled with memories and places.  I would visit obscure rural villages in Nigeria or Ghana or Cameroun and be the guest child of the loneliest widowed woman in the village, to be the friend of the unluckiest child or the outcast, the miss-fit in every such village I will visit.

It is 2 days to my birthday and I haven’t gone anywhere, or met anyone, yet.

It appears that the physical ceremony of shedding my life-weight is the only thing I will be doing. For this, I have already sorted and evaluated all my physical life possessions and out of everything, I will be giving most things away save few essentials.

I had toyed with the idea of saving only 30 items of my life’s possessions and doing away with everything else but I had hit an indecisive brick wall. What constituted ‘an item’? For example, I own a collection of treasured books in my miniature library, chief of which is my international passport and my bank’s check books.  In saving ‘an item’ from my library, do I pick out only my Passport for example and give out everything else? Do I tag my library as one item and save it all? At the end of my deliberation, I decided I would simply take out objects that I did not necessary need or use, or objects, ideas, people, habits, hobbies and relationships that were hurting, stagnating and or negatively impeding  my growth and goals.

Two weeks ago, I had visited an internally displaced person (IDP) camp in Kuchingoro(?), and decided that will be my physical location for a shedding.

I have begun the sorting of my last 30 years.  I have begun shedding my weight to appear lighter for my next decade and this may hurt at first, but I am strangely confident that I will be better for it.

Lie To Me

When my gloom curls up ,
forming rings around my heart,

And my words spread the pain that ensnares my being;

Lie to me.

Tell me happiness starts first as a sadness.

Tell me this thing I feel isn't real.

That none of it is real.

Tell me None of this is real.

A Dirge For Tarty

They say every new birth (day)

lays a nail With which our coffins are set.

As the clocks chimes a melody for a 30th

Shall I sing a dirge for Tarty?

A Sneer At Death

Not all of us are afraid to die.

Some of us do sneer at death in the face and ask him rudely if the best he could do was a lump or a clot or a failed kidney.

Because death? Your ways have always been cowardly, so even when I cry because you were coming or you had come to take what was mine; my tears had always pitied you instead. Because you are a retched cowardly trifling bitch!

Signed: A pissed of Mom.

Futile Things.

'What do you really want from me?' The man asked the girl.

'I want to fall in love,' the girl replied.

'I cannot give you that. I can give you a restricted form of companionship, but you can never fall in love with me' the man finished, his brows, beat.

The man had often thought the girl had a fertile mind, but this was futile. From experience, he also knew somebody always ended up hurt when people wanted futile things as realities.

He owed her the truth.

Loss

A man loses a wife, he is a widower.

A man loses his parents, he is an orphan.

But when a parent loses a child, there is no word for it, and there shouldn't be. Parents shouldn't have to bury their children. You can't really put that pain into words. 

I am imagining that repairing the human heart may somewhat look like repairing a broken automobile. 

You put everything apart. Cut through thick flesh, or bolts. Shred it well enough, and put it back together.

But broken hearts really stay broken forever, don't they? How do you mend a broken heart?

Debuting Pain

I had recently encountered pain, you know, the sort of pain that stays with you for days on end, that sticks on you like a stench?

I had recently encountered pain, and this is how pain looks like on some mornings.

POISONS

Sadness laid out a million shrapnel drowned in potions of poisoned venom

And calls

Come, dear. Walk to me and die! He says

And I do.

Gingerly at first, then quickly

To his promise

Of  erased pains and all things past.

Ah! Beauty!

Distress Call

I could tell myself that life was too hard, and quit.
But quitting at life and the challenges that it brings will not make me a winner in this life.
So I will wait just a little longer.
For tomorrow, God may come around to listening to my distress calls
And answer my wails with joy.

Hair Update: 1 year Natural

The Investiture Of Dame Grace Igali. Photos and Speech!

In October 

Speech!

Good evening friends, family and colleagues.

As we are all aware, our mother, Mumsy Grace Igali has just been knighted today in the order of Saint Christopher and knights of the Blessed Virgin Mary at the church of Nigeria, Anglican communion, province of the Niger delta, diocese of Niger delta west, at St. Peter’s Deanery , Yenagoa, Bayelsa state.  

It is now instructive to call our ‘Mumsy’, Dame.

Dame ‘Mumsy’ grace igali.

Permit me to digress. I absolutely love the sound of our dear Mumsy’s new title!

This investiture never came as a surprise to any of her children. I for one was never surprised that the church deemed it fit to confer this title on Mumsy. Mumsy has always been one of the most religious and dedicated members of the Anglican communion that I have ever known or seen. From as far back as I could remember, Mumsy  has been actively involved in her church's activities, as well as churches she is not even a member to. Even when we had little or nothing to eat, Mumsy would share the little we had to ensure that the work of God never suffered lack.

There has been some challenges that mother had faced while still zealously working for the well-being of the church and for her God, most notable of which have often been her health. But even when Mumsy had been ill and frail in body and spirit, she would still forgo her comfort zone to do all religious necessities, sometimes even against the advice of her children and doctors.

This investiture of Dame on our mother is very well deserved, and rightly too. 

We give the almighty God praise!

 From her children:

·         Mrs Ayebapredei Igali-Kalio

·         Hon (Dr) Baraladei Daniel Igali

·         Cad Ayasegboru igali

·         Mrs Abigail Boebimoere Igali-Darius

·         Dr Igali Miebimo jane

·         Mr Doutimi Precious Igali

·         Barr Tukokumo Conquer Igali

And from all grandchildren and great grandchildren to come, we wish our very accomplished mother a hearty congratulations.

Mumsy, we are proud of you.

Signed

Barr T.C Igali.