Angeles

Youtube strings Angeles on replay. 

Elliott Smith loves me and I may have lost my senses to him as well. 
I am soulful today. 

Sadness creates a universe for souls to flee in flight and they do. A million cries silenced in limbo by rains of bullets and fear.

Nostalgia. Ah!

*Books on the bed. Oscola sends me on errands. Referencing. 

String along, baby, he says, and I do.
We are having one of those days when soul meets mortality.

It is what it is. See? Things are what they are.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-p_q5ZT-38

Of sacrifices and Love

6/8/2014 

I had Just watched this show on Oprah's channel about two women. 

The first was married to a man, had two kids and realized much later that she was a lesbian. She met the second woman after she came out and they developed a relationship but could not marry because gay marriage was illegal where they where, so the second woman underwent a double mastectomy, did a sex change and they got married in 2012(?).

I am not cynical about love and sacrifices, far from it, but I am thinking now about how love does not work out even when a party fulfills some condition or another to make a relationship work.

I am thinking about Bashir now.

We met through some very unfriendly circumstance during my second day at the NYSC camp (camp Bende) in Abia state. It started with us threatening to kill each other. 

See, we where registering for camp and that particular exercise had to do with filling the information of our hometowns, addresses and our next of kin. It was a huge line, I had stood in line for hours, and, just before it got to my turn, Bash cut through the cue, right in front of me. He came with his 'boys' too.
I didn't let him.
He told me I would 'hear from him soon', that I will be sorry.
I told him I was an Ijaw girl, that we do not fear threats like that.
He pushed me. I hit him, he fell from my punch too.

He succeeded at registering after I did though. being an open register, I was certain he wrote down my hometown and next of kin information so I waited to write his details down and told him I had his Momma's address too. It was so romantic.

The NYSC (National Youth Service Corp) camp is a para military training that young graduates in Nigeria undergo to equip them with some defense and life skills to help them 'serve the nation', so when our altercation broke out, the Nigerian military men who where the 'owners of the camp' separated and punished us for an hour after he (Bash) was done writing. Frog jumps, press ups. I did good. I had to, else he would see me as some fragile girl he could bully.

The days after our fight, news had gone around a bit. We were assigned to the same platoon (9). Bash was stalking me too. Once, during a para military party in camp, I had to be protected by a female army official from Bash and his boys too. Aronkus, remember? 

It became easier later though. He began to like me. I was not willing to cede a relationship but told him he would have to show that he really liked me now by doing something he was afraid of. He didn't know how to swim. Was terrified of villages in the Niger Delta because of Militant activities then, so I playfully responded one day that I may date him if he traveled to my village (a three hour boat ride by water to a little village surrounded by water as well.) . Months after we left camp and I had even returned to Law school, my cousin called from the village (Eniwari). Bash had, without even asking me for directions, traveled to my village, almost drowned because he had jumped inside the Silver creek to swim with kids,and had introduced himself as my friend to my cousin Corbon who housed him and called me until he left my village. When Bash called, I told him he was crazy but I would still not date him. I didn't loath him. I was just really unavailable by then.

Sometimes, sacrifices or even fulfilling a condition present to have a relationship with another person does not guarantee a successful relationship. My analogy with the lesbian is not on the same level of sacrificing, but, sometimes, we should just do the things that are best for us because having a life/career change for another may end up badly for you when the relationship ends (or never even starts, like Bash's disappointment). This woman probably had the surgeries because she really wanted to do it for herself but I am wandering; wont it just be the worst thing if her (wife? husband?) decides to leave her shortly afterwards?

Laverdure (CAN) VS Kunari (IND)

2014 Commonwealth Games: 55 kg Freestyle Wrestling; Laverdure (CAN) VS Kunari (IND)

Finding Budapest; Pictures and Words.

The zoo beckons with primal wander. A bird here, a seal there, a lion prancing around, caged. 
But I am still afraid (and I wander why). So pick up my shutters and click to remember, somewhere far away, this memory will be told to some sleepy toddlers on maternal arms.
I love you, I will say. I love you too Mummy, they will reply. My Merits, my Gemmas.

@2014. Igali Conquer.

Aminat vs Malik. Glasgow 2014 footage,

One of the many videos I recorded on my amateur camcorder. We had so much fun!

Commonwealth Games;Glasgow 2014. Photo-speak!

I left Aberdeen to Glasgow by bus. The flight of scenery was amazing!

The hotel I booked for and later cancelled. I ended up at the Menzies, right across the road from the Marriott.

The Nigerian Freestyle Wrestling team with Daniel Igali, Commonwealth/World Wrestling champion and President of the Nigerian Wrestling Federation.

With Aminat and Odun, before their finalist competitions. They wrestled for gold hours after this photo was taken.

Aminat and Odun, Leaving for the competition. They won gold medals that evening.

Some members of the team Nigeria wrestling team on their way to the competition arena at SECC.

 Some members of the team Nigeria wrestling team on their way to the competition arena at SECC.

I was psyched up!

Confident smiles.

'Bring it on' I seem to be screaming...

I was confident we were winning ALL medals we came to compete for!

.

More photos of me

Swerve!

With my big brother, Daniel Igali.

I was excited to support him, his prodigees and Team Nigeria!

One of our last competitions was between Nigeria and Canada. It was interesting to watch as Dr Igali supported both countries with both flags and cheers as he had strong ties to both countries. Nigeria lost but won a silver medal. It was a bitter sweet moment, really.

Team Nigeria won 5 out of the 6 medals we competed for: 2 gold medals from  Aminat Adeniyi and Odun Adekuoroye, as well as 2 bronze medals and another Silver medal.

Day 3 of the Wrestling competition

Game end. Last photos

14 Wrestlers entered for the Commonwealth games in Glasgow, 2014. 12 won medals for their country, Nigeria. Hear President Daniel Igali's recap of the games below;

FINAL RECAP: TEAM NIGERIA WRESTLING AT THE GLASGOW 2014 COMMONWEALTH GAMES

''The Nigerian Anthem was not on the airwaves in the wrestling event yesterday, but we still won medals in all the four weight classes we entered. Ifeoma Nwoye, 55kg, won bronze medal, Sampson Clarkson, 65kg, won bronze medal, Blessing Oborududu, 63kg, won bronze and Adibo Dick, 86kg, won silver medal.

We entered 14 wrestlers and won 12 medals! 2 gold, 2 silver and 8 bronze medals. Am extremely proud of the team effort. Currently, with 21 medals for the whole TEAM NIGERIA at these Games, it's safe to say Wrestling alone has accounted for about half of our medal count so far!

There were quite a number of highs and lows. A couple of my wards wrestled beyond my imagination at these Games, while some wrestled slightly below their capabilities. Overall though, am extremely proud of them all.

Two of the wrestlers, Hannah Reuben and Nweke Rosemary had their first international matches here. After MRI scans later today, it's possible Blessing Onyebuchi will undergo surgery to reattach suspected torn ligaments in her knee - she wrestled two matches essentially on one leg just to ensure that she won a medal for her country even against doctor's advice.

My prayer and hope is that we get enough funding to prepare our athletes effectively for future tournaments. By the Gold Coast Commonwealth Games in 2018, the ambition of the Nigeria Wrestling Federation is to emerge the best Commonwealth Wrestling Nation.

Next is the World Championships in Tashkent, Uzbekistan in a month. Thanks for all your prayers and support.'' Daniel Igali. 1/7/2014

Telling Merit #6

The phrase 'she who owns her own things' rang for hours in my head the morning before I gave you your Izon/Ijaw name.
I had selected and preserved your Izon/Ijaw name long before i concieved you though. (Grandma Grace perfected it shortly after you where born).

You are always my Dabo (Dabor).

Meaning:  Leader. She who leads.

Telling Merit #5

When I seek evidence on HOW my society views me as a WOMAN, I look at his Laws and his attitude towards women. I see his ways but I do not HAVE to accept his discrimination. If I do, What will I tell my daughters when they ask me what I did when I saw his idea of me? 

 Society is a man. Sadly, most women became him. Discriminatory.

8/19/2013. Telling Merit.

Chronicling The Last Days. 26/9/2013

September 26, 2013

 

Wednesday.I would take Merit to her home-for-a-while. We would see a multiple-car accident on our way there with one car burning with a person still inside it. The smell of death, of burning flesh and the presence of something chilly would fill our car.

Home. Hettie Chuga's demise would be a year old today. The memorial service would be emotional, I would feel my heart breaking. I would sniff severally for the next hour, trying not to break down with my Merit in my arms till we would return to the Chuga's residence and then the tears would come for the next 4 hours.

My older Sister, Jane, would call to ask if I am fine throughout the duration of my emotional breakdown. She feels in her spirit that I am down. Oler Sister Boes will call and say;

'Everything will be fine Tuma. You are the strongest girl I know in your circumstances and your age. It is just months. Merit will be fine'. Mother would call, she misses me,misses Merit.

I would calm down when an aunt would scold me to stop crying.

'If you cry like this because you are only leaving her here for this short time when Mummy has lost her's to death forever, how do you want her to feel, to cry? She won't be happy with you oh!' ...
Des (Merit's Dad and Hetty's only sibbling) would light a memorial candle in a semi-floating lamp he designed with butterflies for Hettie. That's her favourite thing he says. Next year, he'll light two. When Merit gets older,they'll light Hettie's lamps together,I tell him. Her grandmom already calls her 'aunty Mashi' after Hetty...Mashi is Hetty's other name. It means something lovely, something so beautiful it hurts the eyes. 
 I would sit in a cab on my way to Abuja and type furiously on my blackberry. The tears keep clouding my sight. I would read what I typed later and it would read; bhtsawhklngdswtui¥nbddsabhhyjf.

Senseless gibberish.

Thursday: I think Merit has woken up now. She would be looking around to see my face. She would listen hard to hear me sing in a language I don't undersand,that makes her laugh with her hands clasped,held up to her mouth,laughing. She would be missing me now,as I do, her. I think of my Mother and 5 other sisters who all wanted to be the ones to nurse Merit till my return from Aberdeen, where i would be studying for a Nasters in Law. My older brother Dan who wanted to be the one to take her too...the teetings that were held just for where she should/would stay and how my Uncle and everybody else worried...I am thinking: See, that is the thing with when your family is closely knit like that...and when you meet the loveliness that is Merit.
Home. Blessing, Merit's home nanny, is crying again. The children in my neighbouhood came early in the morning to see if Merit came back with me. They cries when I told them they'll see us in 3 months or so. I am the strong one now, petting the smaller ones to stop crying with biscuits. Be strong, I tell me.Be strong.

I will board a French Airways plane for Aberdeen on a Satuday night and sleep through the flight to France and arrive in Scotland the next day.

Thoughts on New Love

I am thinking about how love looks like when she is new.

 Recently, I had gone to see a friend on his birthday. Arriving there, I met other friends of ours too, one of them brought a new friend of his with him. He did not have to tell us they were dating, I didn’t have to ask. I was good at seeing the new faces of love when she presents herself, so I watched. He left the room. I started a conversat...ion with the new girl and good to words, new love showed her many faces. It was so, em, sweet. She showed up in the way he popped his head into the room from the kitchen door ever so often, to just look at her and share a private smile. New love showed in the way their hands seemed to always touch over the Ipad games they played when he returned to the living room. It showed in the hushed tones they used, like the room was too crowded for them, for their new emotions.

 New love makes us sprint in newer strides, in giddy gaits.

 

New love makes us more interesting to the people that see us with that love-eye, the one we had been missing before they crossed our paths. New love intoxicates us with blinding consequences.

 

New love is sometimes the reason we aspire to certain heights, and change our previously held views about commitment and whatnots.

It is quite hard to hide her when she is new. New love does that to people. Problem always becomes, how do you show her when she is old…older?

Lady Jokes

he is educated, he says, And Patience Jonathan is a simi literate woman he says. He blames the Nigerian President for not getting a properly educated woman as wife, you see, in his opinion, the security situation in the Nigeria is largely this; That the president married a semi literate woman. I should really keep these things to myself (maybe next time), but I held the next metal pole I could find, for extra support, (so he could push me down in anger) and typed a response;

'Aren't you forgetting your history, my dear, if not for an illiterate woman, would you be here typing this version of your cure to the Nigerian situation''?

I struck the wrong cord, it was too accurate a question as his mother didnt go to school too. So I apologised for having reminded him that his parent could barely read and write or speak English too. I felt sorry. I doubt that he saw my point beyond the sting.

 People need to stop with the 'semi literate Nigerian First Lady' jokes. Instead of making them seem like the educated smart mouths who can call out the stupid ones, they actually sound pretty stupid to me too. There are very important questions and things Nigerians should be asking and talking about. People making these jokes sound like insensitive prats, making fun of the emotions of another person while serious issues of mass deaths and kidnapping/child trafficking and possible sex slavery are the very issues people should be concerned with right now.

Our Insensitivity To The Suicidal

You read 'student commits suicide over results' and you go 'oh? how stupid? Examination results don't mean anything, don't give jobs' bla bla. To you, the thought in itself is irrational, stupid, inconsiderate, unholy...
Same goes when the man killed himself because he is too poor to feed his family, or when the boy killed himself because the girl didn't love him back or marry him, or when the Billionaire got sad because he didn't have what to do with his money anymore, or the other that girl cut her wrists because her nose and boobs where not as pointy as the other girls in her class...

It is easy to judge another person's irrational acts when you are not the one with the emotions.

This here is the point; All pain is pain and hurts just as much.

And no, do not tell her she is being stupid because she feels that way too. You would be insensitively stupid to feel that way too.

To Happiness. To Sadness.

We don't have to be happy all the time. 

We don't have to be sad all the time also.

Wisdom Tooth #2

At all times, at least one party in a seemingly successful relationship owes his/her happiness to a previous partner. Ex relationships are like the death of a Phoenix, without an ex, there would not have been the possibility of the current relationship.

But we are all always careful of exes too, especially the one's immediately preceding a present relationship,or the longest previous relationship or the one's we know 'got away' with a marital status, distance or a conflicting gene type. We know every time spent with another presents a box of emotional experiences,of adventures that make us who we are now. 

We all owe our present romantic happiness (and sometimes,sadness) to previous relationships, even the ones that cheated on us. 

On the Pointlessness of Theories

You know the thing about theories? They are mostly problematic in practice. Most of them do not work, you have to be able to try again and again to get them right in real life. To have any grand theories about men, love, you have to have dated atleast 2 of them. Your heart must be broken a couple of times. you must have felt the highs and the lows of love to qualify. As a woman, to test run a theory on social death and or apathy, try having a child out of wedlock and by yourself (in Nigeria). If you make it out alive, the lessons will permanently be learnt. You will loose friends, your lover, you will lose the confidence that people you loved had for you. you will be judged by people with the least moral standing, But you will have a different kind of insight into who you think you are as well.

The thing with theories is almost like the problem with Nigerian ideals. They only work on paper.

Wisdom Tooth #1

This is what I found; Wait till a man NEEDS you first before giving yourself to him. No amount of sacrifice will make an uncommitted man keep you. A man that does not realize that you are essential to him will not value your worth.

Social Safety

It helps to be physically guarded/security concious with people u interact with over a social media website. A girl was allegedly murdered by her Facebook pals in Lagos Months ago.
When people you do not physically know but are social media 'pals' with you  write on my wall/inbox and tell you to go meet them or ask for your address, that they want to meet you, try to be civil but decline such offers. The thing is, there are  perverts and good people around these days. If you must meet someone you do not know, meet them in public places, be accompanied by someone else, inform a family member or friend first and let the person u are meeting know that others know you are meeting him/her! Take/save his/her picture and send it to a friend or family member,update your status with him/her in it.
There are perverts out there these days looking for people they can drag into their nests. Take adequate security measures with people you do not know.