Some things come back to bite you when
you least expect them. I did not expect this one. When people say do unto
others as you would want them to do to you, respect it. Your life, or soap, might
just depend on it. This story is about two events that happened within the
period of two months. The first, well, was my doing. The second, I hope, was
Baby’s.
APRIL.
It all started one cold morning. Baby
and I were in the shower, bathing to get ready for work. ‘The bathroom’ was a
spacious tile layered next-room to our bedroom, with a tub; toilet and brushing
sink as well. A mirror hung in the space between the sink and the toilet. I prefer
keeping the toilet seat down and the cover closed always when we are inside
because our normal routine is always the same and ‘Baby’, as you would have
guessed by now, is my Lover. He hates being called ‘Baby’ I think. I am
stubborn. I always call him Baby.
Baby grabs a brush; half fills the head
with toothpaste. He prefers Sensodyne, stands holding a side of the brushing
sink and attacks his teeth with the weaponry at hand.
I do not much care for Sensodyne. I love
its advert on TV about a group of culturally diverse people all with dental
problems though. One cannot drink cold water, her teeth aches. Another cannot
eat her ice cream except on the right side of her mouth. All of them felt
better after they’d brushed their mouth with Sensodyne. They all drank ice cold
water and it didn’t hurt. The image of the woman with the East African accent
and the Indian-looking man with the absolutely endearing smile always linger in
my head whenever I see it.
Well, Baby finishes his tooth-ritual
and covers his almost non-visible beards with shaving foam, Gillette, and
shaves with a Gillette shaving stick. Once done, he douses his chin with
aftershave, No. 7, and gets in the tub, Shower in hand.
My schedule is never the same. I
could get in the tub halfway through his routine, bathe, brush my teeth and
jump into the bedroom to towel my body and apply some cream, making a mess of
the floor. On this particular day though, something different happened. The
toilet seat was left open. I do not remember how or who left it ajar. Anyway,
we both got in the bathroom, I in the tub and baby, standing under the shower,
closer to the toilet seat. He soaped up, passes me the soap, and repeats the
soaping ritual a second time. While at it, with a huge lather on his face, the
soaped slipped, falling into the toilet. I saw it happen.
‘The soap fell in the toilet’ I
announced. Baby washed his face.
‘Yes’
‘Won’t you pick it up? Are we to let
a barely used Lifebouy become waste’?
‘What? Like you will use it if I
bring it out of this shit-bowl?’
‘Who said anything about me using it
if it comes out of there? That’s like punishing A for B’s misdeed’ I replied.
So baby retrieved the soap with a
discarded biro, sticking the pointed sides into the softening soap. Soap came
out alright. I was never to touch the shit-soap for the next 6 days. A bit
surprised that it finished that fast too…
Baby forgot the incidence shortly
after, or so I thought.
MAY
The bathroom is different. The tub is
in the other room now. This bathroom possesses a shower with a huge head only.
The toilet and brushing sink stayed though. We are in the bathroom same time again
today. A bird coo cooed outside the window. I should have known to look down
before turning the high powered shower on. The toilet seat is up.
Shhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrr!!!
My eyes are closed. I reach out for
the soap on the soap-ledge close to the toilet, grabbed it, I am not very lucky
at my grip. The soap is in the toilet now. I turn off the shower, towels my
face. Baby is hysterical with laughter, barely standing on the wet floor.
‘I knew my day will come’ he laughed
some more.
‘You really expect me to reach down
the toilet and retrieve the soap?’
‘Isn’t that the rule?’ he is still
laughing hard.
I had two choices. Flush the toilet
and defend my action and abolish the Law I had set-without-thinking or reach
down and bring out the half used transparent Pears soap in the recently used
toilet. I am brave. I reached down the toilet with my left hand. Baby is on the
floor now, laughing till tears gush out his eyes like the Shower in my right
hand. I am trying to act calm now. Perhaps, ‘satisfaction’ for him would be any
sign of weakness on my part.
‘This is a little stupid, really.’ I
managed to say. Hoping the sound of rushing water would drown his bellowed
laughter.
‘You did not know this day would
come, did you? I am sure you will write about this soon.’ baby croons. I will
not respond to that yet. I may, maybe, after I’d used up my shit-soap alone.
Life is not fair. I should stop sulking now.
(c) May 2012
